Towing Jehovah

by James Morrow
Reviewed by Byron Merritt

The intellects have spoken! Nietzsche, Darwin, and Kant’s names have all been invoked in reviews of this book, vainly trying to encapsulate one aspect of Towing Jehovah: a world that knows no god. Then you have the Catholic Church, Angels (Raphael, etc.), Theologians and a smattering of other religious people and symbols trying to battle against the sinful concept that God doesn’t exist. Well what would happen if God’s two mile long body was found floating at 0 degrees Latitude and 0 degrees Longitude? Who would be right? Uh-oh. A conundrum.

What the author of Towing Jehovah (James Morrow) does, is show us the conflict that would ensue in light of such a discovery. The devout would like to say “Ah-hah! See! God does exist. Or...um...he DID exist.” While the atheists and agnostics would be saying, “Ah-hah! See! God is dead! Um...but I guess he did exist.”

But now that God IS dead, what do you do? How do you prove your points about God (be you an atheist or a believer), if his corpse has been found lifelessly floating in the Atlantic? Maybe we should just sweep this under the rug ...

And to that effect, God’s angels recommend that His body be entombed in the arctic, in a special cave that the angels have dug out for Him. Is this what God really wanted? Hmm. And how do we get His body up to the icy cave?

Enter Anthony Van Horne, an able sea captain in the Merchant Marines who’s had a bit of bad luck recently. A supertanker he was captaining, the Carpco Valparaiso, ran aground and spilled crude over a beautiful section of the sea. He’s also got an old sea-dog father who’s none too happy with the way his son has turned out. But the Carpco Valparaiso was saved and her hull repaired. She now flies the colors of the Vatican and they have a plan to get God’s body to His final resting place; thus Towing Jehovah.

Once they’ve hooked up to God and begin towing Him, the story really starts to pick up. Believers and non-believers are at odds as to the significance of God’s death, and as to WHY they’re Towing Jehovah to an icy grave without letting the world know of His demise (There’s also a side plot involving women’s rights and how the evidence of a truly male deity might destroy all the work that women have done to improve their standings in society; but this isn’t what holds the book together).

Getting God’s body to His grave becomes the challenge of a lifetime for Anthony Van Horne. He has to battle his own past, atheists who want the body destroyed because it shows the truth of God’s existence (even though He’s dead now), the Catholic Church who want to keep this all hush-hush (“What would happen if people found out that God had died? Would they have any sort of moral compass to guide them?”), and an island of Pagan symbolism that sprouts from the sea like an angry mound of crap.

Against all odds, and opposition from both sides of the religious theocratic discussion, Captain Van Horne delivers his “cargo” to its destination.

The comedy in Towing Jehovah isn’t a ‘slap your leg and laugh-out-loud’ style. It’s subtle and satirical and biting and the type that will invite discussions on what James Morrow has slapped in our faces. Some have gone so far as to call this author “the Salman Rushdie of Christianity.” Maybe. But his jabs at both sides of the spiritual issues are what will draw you into this book, not its pretext that God is dead. Because, let’s face it, for those that truly “believe” in God, how COULD He die?

Also, if you’re looking for a “final answer” to the question of God’s existence or what we should do if He is ever discovered (dead or alive), you won’t find it in these pages. Mr. Morrow sets up the pins, but he purposely doesn’t knock them down. I mean, come on! He’s not stupid!